Just When I Thought the Navy Couldn't Get Any Worse It Totally Redeems Itself.....Or Not!

Well, I finally finished my flight physical today. I arrived at NOMI (Naval Occupational Medical Institute, or some other version that means the same thing) at 0730 to get checked out by the flight surgeon. I was pleasantly surprised to hear my name called a few minutes after I arrived, which was good because the bass fishing magazine had quickly lost my interest. I went back into the doc's office and she asked me various questions about my health. There was another doc in the office and I was afraid that she was going to break some bad news to me when I walked in, but as it turned out the other doc was getting qualified to be a flight surgeon. I was more than happy to have my examination completed by someone who didn't know what they were doing...I figured she (yeah, female doctor for a fairly invasive exam) would miss anything wrong with me. After my (cough) exam she went back to the other doc who signed off on my "up-chit" allowing me to begin flying. I was out of there in about 30 minutes and beginning to feel that the Navy wasn't so bad after all...that's where they get you. They wear you down, make you feel comfortable, and then hit you with another round of inane tasks. More on that later.
I had another appointment at 1300 (1 p.m. for you none military types or reservists) so I killed time browsing the exchange and getting lunch. I also went over to the Coast Guard Liaison Office and filled out paperwork to change my residency to Florida, the land of no state income tax. Take that Maryland!
I headed over to my appointment at NAMI (Naval...ummm...it doesnt really matter, does it?...medical institute) and reported promptly at 1300. I filled out some paperwork about my background and sat down at the computer. I was intrigued about this test because all we had been told was that it was a multi-tasking test. On the left side of the computer monitor they had a jet throttle and on the right side was a joystick. I was hoping that I was going to fly an F-18 into a dogfight with boogies all over the sky and maybe shoot them down. Better yet maybe we would all be pitted against each other and we would shoot each other down? It was a big mistake to get my hopes up, big. The first phase of the test was just a spatial recognition test, where you basically see the view from an airplane and you just figure out if it's diving, climbing, in level flight, turning, or a combination. I finished that quickly and moved on to the next task. This is where it started to get ridiculous. I should have known that it would go downhill quickly because the test was taking place in the psychiatric department. The next phase was a little airplane, shown with Atari graphics (if you're under the age of 20-25 just think Donkey Kong or some other basic Nintendo game). It moved constantly and you had to move the throttle up or down to follow the plane with your gunsight. It should've been pretty easy but the throttle would go from slow to incredibly fast with very little movement, which made me feel like I was incompetent. The next test was a hearing/multitasking test where you had to listen to the headphones, and they would call out number and letters in both ears, but you would only answer for one ear at a time. You would pull the trigger on the joystick for an even number and "shoot a missile" in your left hand for an odd number. It was actually pretty fun with the numbers and letters coming in both ears and trying to focus on just one ear. The next test was just following a plane with the cursor with the joystick, which proved to be impossible. I know that I wasn't the only one having trouble because I watched some of the Navy ensigns doing it and they also looked lost.
I thought it couldn't get more ridiculous...again, wrong. The next test took the listening, following with the throttle, and following with the joystick and you had to do all three at the same time. It was so ridiculous I started laughing a little bit. They then added "warnings." You would have a fire, instrument, or propeller warning and have to follow the emergency procedures, which you had to memorize quickly before the test. That part actually went pretty well but I still couldn't follow the plane on the screen with my throttle, or the other plane with the joystick. I finished the test and thought I was done. Again, wrong.
The next phase was 140 questions where I was presented with 2 statements and had to chose which one was more like my personality. The problem was with the questions. "Would you cheat on procedures if your boss wasn't around" or "I often show up late for work." So, I'm either a cheater or I'm lazy? "I rarely ever exercise and need someone to motivate me" or "I often make hasty decisions without thinking of the consequences." So I'm either fat and out of shape, or I'm rash and make stupid decisions? I finished that test, only to have to take another 94 question test...that had the same questions that the 140 question version had. One Navy ensign finished before me, despite showing up late. He was gaming the system by just clicking randomly and not reading the questions. He finished and The proctor knew exactly what was happening too. She looked up at him and said, "done? You must've just clicked through without reading, huh?" The Navy ensign was pretty proud of his work and was clearly happy to have cheated the system. Again, big mistake. He left and went to the auditorium to check out with the guy in there. I felt a little dumb for subjecting myself to these inane questions, but luckily I was almost done.
I finished my test and went to the auditorium to check out, only to find the Navy ensign filling out yet another personality test. I figured that was his punishment and went to check out with the guy up front, only to find myself filling out another 100 question personality test. I finished the test, turned it in and was expecting to leave (at this point that was 334 questions, surely I was finished?) only to be given another test. I asked the guy how many tests he had and when I could go, he just replied "I have 30 tests, but we won't finish them all in the time we have today." "Well," I said, "how much time do you have?" "Until 1515." Great. At this point I was more than a little tired of the Navy. The questions were pretty ridiculous on these tests as well. "Do you wash your hands after handling raw meat." Yes, I have common sense. "Do you often get angry easily?" No, but you're treading on the line with all of these questions. I finally decided to go with the old ABCDCBABCD strategy, but when he looked at it he just handed me a fresh sheet and told me to do it again. I figured I wasn't losing anything by doing it again because he was just going to keep me there until 3:15 anyway. Well, I finally finished my third test in that room (up to 534 questions at that point) and was handed one final sheet. This one had questions about prior military experience, whether you were USCG/USN/USMC/USAF, etc. The final part was this gem: "Do you grant NAMI permission to use these results to conduct research?" NO!!!!

Boy, I really like the Coast Guard right now.

It's been an eventful past few days. After my last post I went out to Pensacola beach with some friends from flight school. Usually the waves in the Gulf of Mexico are pretty lame, but thanks to Ike we had some decent surf. I did have one local lady tell me that she was going to "paddle my bottom" if I went back out in the waves but luckily she was all bark and no bite. It would've been a little awkward to get a spanking from some lady that I don't know.
I received a call on Friday morning informing me that I would be allowed to start the initial flight screening on Tuesday (today), even though my flight physical isn't complete. I still have to go into the flight surgeon on Thursday and hopefully get my "up-chit," which will allow me to begin flying. Today I attended the in-brief, which should have taken 20 minutes but took 4 hours. I guess it's the Navy way to cram 20 minutes of material into 4 hours of repeating the same things over and over. I'm beginning to see why they call this the "Coast Guard Appreciation Tour" because I'm already looking forward to graduating and getting back to the Coast Guard full-time.
This weekend I went camping in Apalachicola, which is not something that I would recommend. The trip started well with a stop at the Ponce De Leon freshwater springs. These were the springs that were supposedly the "Fountain of Youth," and while it was very refreshing to take a swim in the cool water I didn't gain everlasting youth. The springs were pretty cool because you could swim down to where the springs were pushing out the cold, cold water (67 degrees) and you could feel the large amount of water they were producing. According to a plaque near the springs they produce 14 million gallons of fresh water daily! Pretty amazing.

After leaving the springs we went to a local BBQ establishment right down the road. One thing that you notice down here in the south is that to have a southern accent all you need to do is make up words. "Ah aint skeered" "go'on en git" etc etc. Life is definitely different down here with these laid-back country folk. The tables in the restaurant had literal legs, which I thought was pretty inventive, but a little freaky.




We left the springs and headed to the campsite in the Apalachicola forest. We made camp and headed out to go fishing in the Apalachicola River. We caught some small fish but heard from the locals that there really isn't great fishing in the area. The local town, Blountstown (apparently pronounced in a mumbled Bluntston) had a largemouth bass on its "Welcome" signs, but when asked about it the locals laughed and said it was "a lil' misleadin'." After fishing we headed back to the campsite and this was when things began to go wrong. My friend Jesse (the huge 6'6" guy next to me in the springs) had a scorpion drop on him from a tree. While it was a "small scorpion" (probably 3" or so) and wasn't poisonous it was still disconcerting to have scorpions dropping from trees. There were also fire ants (which bit us) and numerous spiders that resembled black widows. We attempted to fire up the camping stove that Jesse had brought (and had fired up the day before to make sure it was working), but were unable to do so and had to make a fire on the grill to cook our dinner. I actually slept in the back cab of the truck to avoid making friends with fire ants and scorpions, and I actually slept rather well considering the situation.




The following day we packed up our stuff and headed back to Pensacola. On the way we stopped at Falling Waters State Park, which features Florida's highest waterfall, which was unique because it started at ground level and fell into a sinkhole that was about 80 ft deep.
At one of the gas stations we saw this gem: 2 ft of pure sugar. I'll put that at the top of my list of foods that my kids would never eat on a long car trip. I can only imagine the sugar rush the "Big Fat Hissee Fit" would produce.
Although I had a good time on the trip overall, I was reminded that I'm not really an outdoorsman. I like "camping" where you maybe go on a hike or go out on a lake during the day and sleep in a cabin with running water, heat/AC, and a full-size bed. I know that's probably not really camping but it is comfortable!

I have to include this last picture to sum up the trip. It's lovebug swarming season, and they were all over the place when we were driving down I-10. This picture was taken after we arrived in Apalachicola, so just imagine the truck with twice as many bugs on it! We also hit a small bird on the way back and had a patch of feathers stuck to the windshield for much of the return trip. I was hoping that we could also hit an alligator and a deer, but we were unsuccessful.

Back Online!

You don't realize how much you use the internet until you don't have it. It's especially tough to be in a new town and not be able to look up businesses or get directions...I actually used a phonebook for a few days and felt like I'd gone back to the dark ages. As I'm sure you know, I've moved to Pensacola, FL since my last post. I was able to spend a few days up in MD visiting family before heading back down to VA to spend my final days with Lizzy and all of my friends in the area. Luckily Lizzy hadn't started school yet and we were able to spend my final four days together (as I'm sure you've already read in her blog). On my way down to Florida I stopped halfway to visit my cousin and her family in Augusta, Georgia. I hadn't seen my cousin(Madelaine) since she was a little baby. She's at the age where she's starting to talk and it was fun to spend some time playing with her. Apparently nothing has changed since I was a kid because Curious George is still a big hit. I left Augusta after spending a night there and drove to Pensacola and got the keys to my new apartment (pictures to follow if I ever get it presentable). I spent the weekend in a hotel since I didn't have my furniture yet. I spent a few days driving aimlessly around town to familiarize myself with the local sights before reporting to flight school on Monday. I expected my reporting-in day to be fairly short, little did I know that my captain would spend 6 hours telling us about all the ways we could get kicked out of flight school! The last few days have been spent organizing my new home and dealing with the mountains of paperwork that the Navy has kindly given me as a welcome present.
It's been tough to leave all of my friends and a church that I love, but God has kindly provided me with numerous friends here already. There's a very active Officer's Christian Fellowship (OCF) that meets on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and that has provided me with fellowship and encouragement. I also attended a church (Grace Community Church) that I think will be a good stand-in for Sovereign Grace as I'm away. Lizzy and I have been able to talk everyday since I've been gone and I've gotten off a few letters for her to put in the letterbox and we are both hoping that I'll be able to make it back up to Chesapeake soon! However, I've already been told that I would be attending a class starting next Wednesday, only to be told the two days later that it was canceled, only to be told the next day that the class was back on, only to be held in limbo by my flight physical. I went to my flight physical this morning (at 0630) and was told that I would have to come back next Thursday to complete it since I was old and decrepit (old is apparently anyone over the age of 25) and would need a full physical. They're awaiting the lab results on my bloodwork and I'd appreciate your prayers that all would go well when I meet with the flight surgeon next week (just to clarify, nothing is wrong that I know of, but they're good at finding some condition that you didn't know of. One guy was disqualified because he had "dry hands." When he asked the flight surgeon if he could just use a moisturizer, the surgeon said, "that would only make it worse." The Navy is crazy like that!).
Well, I'm off to the beach with some of my friends to watch the surf (20-23' waves because of Ike), thanks for all of your prayers and support, I've really felt a lot of peace about the move and next phase of life and am excited about the new opportunities that have been opened to me!

P.S. I miss Lizzy!